ar_wahan | The Alleged Past Lives of Ar_Wahan, Part III: Conclusion to the Teaser Tale

Herein I resume my August 2, 1983 letter to Dorothy . . . which left off with, "I knew exactly what he was talking about!"

So I wrote to him how, on the night of August 10, 1982, I had been half-asleep when I had felt the very powerful emotions of someone hovering in the threshold between this life and something else. A whole range of emotions were involved, some quite contradictory, involving eternity, tranquility, a cosmic perspective on things, exultation, acceptance, relief, embrace, being lifted up above Time, somehow, a sweetness to bring tears. At the time, all I could think of was that Obaa had died, for she had had surgery the day before; and yet, it did not seem to be her I was feeling, but someone else. I was terribly confused and upset all day. It was shortly after this that the idea that my character really existed began to take hold. But I didn't put the two things together.

I sat down and typed out my experiences of that time, giving the date and approximate hours, and then went on to tell my distant cousin about Obaa and her "messages" [about him]. I suppose this would be a very foolhardy thing to do, but I had complete confidence in what I was doing. I knew that if I had the day, time and psychic experience correct, then he would be able to believe everything -- and so would I, for I had had many doubts about the validity of this whole odd experience. And yet, when I sent the letter out, I was calmly certain that I was right.

He received the letter July 13, and tracked me down oon the 14th. I was absolutely correct: he had fallen suddenly ill and had nearly died on Aug. 10. "I don't understand it," he said, spreading his hands, "but I've got to believe it. I've just accepted it."

We have not talked yet about why all of this has happened; it may be some time before we dare. I already have an idea, based on a very odd, intense and vivid dream that I had several times immediately after meeting him. If this dream is actually a memory[FINALLY! SAY MY EXASPERATED READERS], then the reason I remember him is because he was my brother about 150 years ago, when we were immigrants to this country, and he was murdered in front of my eyes as he tried to protect me. It was the most disturbing/upsetting dream I have ever had, and the memory of it can still bring me to tears if I think about it too much. I know several people who consider themselves professional psychics, and they say that what has happened here is very consistent with people remembering those who were close to them in previous "incarnations." Most of the time we do not remember them, or those past lives, but in the case of a violent death, a witness is likely to remember, although the person actually killed most likely will be unable/unwilling to remember [they said]. I remember him because of "unresolved kharma," they told me; he may never recognize me.

I do not know if the bit about reincarnation is "legit;" I could have simply had a normal nightmare, for many of the details of the dream are similar to themes in my book. (Or did the themes come from subliminal memories?) I'm not taking any bets on it. I have NOT told my "brother"/cousin about this part of the whole odd tale. I may tell his wife someday, if I ever meet her, for I think she is more receptive. (Yes, I've got his wife, sister and parents correctly portrayed in the story, too, although with less detail.) The two of us are slowly starting to be friends; for a while, all we talked about in our infrequent encounters were the odd "coincidences" and banalities! Now we are talking about real stuff, the way friends talk. It is very, very easy to talk to him, as if I am resuming a conversation with, say, you or [name of friend since kindergarten], or some other person whom I have not seen in a long time. The old links just fall into place. The problem is, we have no "old links," at least this time around, and so it is hard and awkward just jumping into a close friendship. We are trying to get our respective spouses to all go up and meet and Tanglewood, maybe this Friday, but our schedules are crowded. It is very, very strange and a little upsetting, too -- in an odd way, I love this person, who has been the imaginary brother of my soul for so long, and yet really don't know him at all . . . even though I know his inner self better than I know my own, or [husband's]. I cannot simply make him a part of my life, like a real sister would make a brother a frequent and welcome visitor, participant in outings, etc.

I HAVE NOT TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT ANY OF THIS, so please respect my privacy as much as I know you respect the sincerity of my bizarre narrative, here! I do not think my mother would believe me, and she is already hinting darkly that the reason I want to make this cousin a friend (I did tell her about the presumed old family tie) is for nonplatonic reasons. This negative suspicion annoys me, but it not unexpected. I am fortunate in that [husband] not only believes me, he has encouraged me when I have had self doubts about all of this.

[mundane matters relayed in a few paragraphs]

Anyway, thanks for putting up with the weird tidings of this letter. Now and then, throughout this process, I'd say to a close friend, "Do you think I'm crazy" She'd laugh and shrug and answer, "I know you're crazy!"

But at least I'm harmless.

Back to the present . . . if you read my first "Alleged Past Lives" post and the entry about the young girl in what may have been part of the Persian Empaire (feels like eastern Turkey to me, when I psychometrize a map), you may be wondering where it comes in here. I wrote then that I put that story up because it was referred to in this letter. I was mistaken -- it's not in the letter posted here, but in something else I wrote at that time and will post later.

Also . . . since people have from time to time told me I should write a book about all this, for safety reasons, I am going to add a copyright line once I go out and see how